Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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