Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
