ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
