his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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