My balls are so social today.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
