Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
