i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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