How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize