Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
