My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
