The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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