my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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