I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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