Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
