I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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