After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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