her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
