Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
