dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
