what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
