only if we run a train.
done.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you win again, gameday.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
