you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
