Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
