I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i've created a new STD.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
