i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
