Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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