arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
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Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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