smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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