1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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