Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
