dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
