I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Success! We fucked roommates!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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