is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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