dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
