It's Friday. Sex?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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