ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
