When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
