He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
