made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize