so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
