Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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