"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
