DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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