yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
