I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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