Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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