I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
