I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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