I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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