birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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