just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
