I feel like abortions should bother me more
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
