it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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