i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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