Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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