Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Boobs speak an international language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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