i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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