Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
