My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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