wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
NoShamevember. You game?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
