I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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