How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
