Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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