He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
