Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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