Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
