brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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