She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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