I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
