Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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