Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
