Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You need a sexual gate keeper
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
