just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
