can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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