id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
